While i was waiting for the bus, thoughts flooded my mind. Flashbacks of you came. The times we had in the school bus, the push and pull, little puppy love that seemed so fun and carefree in primary schools. Hahaha... I remembered all of them. xD You may be surprised but you are the first one to touch my heart. The first time i felt    
of puppy love, the instinct of searching for you in school, peeking at you through the window to yours across, the times our eyes met and the excitement to rush to hop onto the school bus just to see you. That was how i really felt. I still remember how awkward to sit beside you. I loved it actually. ^^ Hahahaha. :P The times we went malacca was really fun. Although we were in different classes, that trip allowed me to see you more. :D At that time, i took like for love. Now thinking about it again, it is just a beautiful memory. Probably you are the first that did not break my heart. Pure liking. Now that we have separate, the impression is much deeper. 


All i want to say... IH, Thank you so much. There's too much to thank for and i am really grateful for you giving such a lovely childhood. I will miss you and all our memories will be kept in my... heart. <3 ^^

You are just a two-faced hypocrite.Coward. So you enjoy backstabbing her in front of me and getting so close to her in her presence ? Oh please, just because she is a potential leader? You try to pull her down by pointing out her weaknesses? You are the one that is despicable. So afraid to offend her? tsk, you are too confident. This is my last time telling you this ; Continue with this attitude, every one will bend to hate you. Including me. Have a problem with me? Tell me in the face, coward. Don't have to vent your anger on facebook and dampen everyone's spirit. Or should i say facebook is the place which can truly show your real side. Don't make up excuses to stay back. Saying to Wait for me? SO FAKE. You just wanted to see him. Just admit it. U say i am fake. U are the one that make me fake. In front of you, i have to fake. Because i know there are too many sides of you. I gotta protect myself too. I will stay far far away from you and reduce the contact we have as much as possible. We go our separate ways and i am too glad.   

Something's choking me. It has locked up all my happiness. What's wrong? I feel so horrible. Wait. Am i too full or something? i think i ate too much! xD oh god, please DONT make me grow fatter !! All things have changed during the holidays. Opinions have changed, my behaviour have changed. So what? I hope that things will be fine.

I have seen it. I really wish you two last long.

Dont worry, im over it. I realized it already. Im long over, i just didnt know. The two of you are so sweet!! I really wish you will last very long!!

Finally, the feeling is gone. It feels so good now. That day that i lived without you has finally come. My burden is gone and i will treat you just like a normal friend now. Last long, jy for your results and be happy always!

Its only just a dream. My priority is my studies, but i know part of me is you. 


SIMI CHICKEN 
SIMI DOG
SIMI LOVE.


It doesnt matter anymore. 


I can ignore this feeling but i can never avoid it.


I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life, without you anymore.


Life still goes on. 


My blue skies are gone. Now are the storms and nightmares starting. Im just too fragile for all this. 


Why is my life such a failure? 


My past will be stuck with you. </3

Okay, this is gonna be a short short post.
One thing,

SCHOOL SUCKS.

I hate waking up so friggin early! ARGH. OKAY IM DONE~ TEEHEE^^

RMB I QOP XINYI AND CHAR'S MILK TEA! NICE!

Okay, this is gonna be a short short post.
One thing,

SCHOOL SUCKS.

I hate waking up so friggin early! ARGH. OKAY IM DONE~ TEEHEE^^

RMB I QOP XINYI AND CHAR'S MILK TEA! NICE!

Forgive and forget. (quoted by mrs loh)

No matter what's gonna take, im definitely forgive and forget. It's right. Live the best out of everyday! OK lah, i lazy type liaoo. Bye!! Rmb!! Dun endure but forget!

Ur heart is not broken anymore. Happiness is with you. Damn it. Im starting all this again.

STOP IT.
BRAIN,STFU.
HEART, STOP BEATING FOR HIM
EYES, STOP LOOKING AT HIM
MOUTH,STOP TALIKING TO HIM

My body's against me all the time.
Ridiculous.

Listen up,body. Spare me the torture or i shall torture you instead. Don't blame for you are the one to blame in the first place.

HIM HIM HIM. IS HE THAT GREAT?? STUPIDITY.

YEAH, IM THAT HER THAT BASTARDS HIM.

NOW BODY, BRAIN, MOUTH, WATEVA. LISTEN UP. HE IS A BASTARD THAT YOU ONCE FELL FOR.

ONCE.

NEVER ANYMORE.

SO STOP. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A USELESS BITCH.

U DON'T DESERVE TO BE A BITCH.

I decided not to write those emo stuffs. I get affected in the end! I just love the way it is now! I may wish for his presence sometimes,but it feels numb. I just hope that the pain will be gone. FOREVER. Finally! IT's holidays!!!! Holidays FTW!!!! BUT with the need to go back for supp, this so suckish!! I have to wake up earlier than a typical morning ! SADED SIA! T^T iM FLOODED WITH HWK AS EXPECTED. HAISHH!!! >: (  i wan my HOLIDAYS!!!  okok luh! i wan watch zhong yi da ge da liao! L8er got super junior! DUN WORRY ! I STIL LOVE SHNEE!!! MY DEAREST LAO GONG ALL THERE ! ^^ K luh! bye and gooooodnitss!!!

To: him. 

U once told me that i changed alot. My attitude. I'm sorry if i hurt you. U don't know what's behind all this. I am afraid. Afraid of the pain, afraid of getting disappointed. I regretted rejecting you. I know that ure a good guy. But i chose him instead. U said i was really happy with him. But, the price was much more than that. I know you wont let me drop a single tear, you will cherish me. All i wanted to say, I liked you before. Its real. U will never like me back anymore. I can see, you like her a lot. This is all i wanted to say to you. 

   

I am amazed but heartbroken at how close we were. U were just beside me and u didn't give a damn. I felt so near yet so far. Speechless. The pain comes flowing into my heart again. We have gone our own separate ways. I know its time for me to let go. Its not that simple. I have to pretend not seeing you, not feeling pain. Cover all my tears up, u did not know it hurts so much keeping them. My heart sours and pains. It feels so strong when you appear. Painful tears were not seen. I kept too much of them. Teared at night till i sleep, pain returns when i wake up. I just hope all of the pain will be gone soon. </3

JoJo, my love.

This song reminds me of you. I cant get you out of my mind. Saw you being so happy was probably the best gift i could give you. When the sad music flows, i think of you. I never knew when, am i gonna stop loving you.

I don't know:
What to do.
When does my heart stop loving you
Why i loves you so deeply.
Who am i to love you
How to survive without you.

I never regret liking you but i regret not cherishing you. Why can you erase me that easily? </3

      If i had happiness, i am willing to give them all to you. If i were dead, i would become a shooting star for you to make a wish. I would do anything to make you happy. Avoiding  you was the right choice. Although we might bump into each other sometime, I would avoid your eyes. I am here alone in this room, thinking about your love. Everything is impossible. Your love, your heart, your humor, your everything, they just don't belong to me. Here i am again, trying to recover from the scars you left on me. I somehow thought, i deserve it. Pain was something i had to endure. I forced myself, i slash myself, did everything i could. Is this what i really want? Is this what i realy deserve? How i wish all these were a dream. I love you but i know i can't.

Omo ! i am so dead ! it's alr the second week of holidays and my hwk are still not alf done !! Argh ! Wat to do seh? I am so in with SHINEE !! I kind of lag lah, now den like them. Onew so cute ! The onew condition ! Taemin also ! He is so young ! K, i need to start studying from tmr le. D: This blog will be dead i gues ! I will come back after EOY ? HMM, kk ! bubies ! '-'

Can u please fuck off? I seriously cant stand u. Stop copying what i do. Have a life please, bitch. Stop irritating me with all your bossy acts. Its not as if i would care about u. U might think that i go away bcos of she. No ! Its bcos of you ! Just go awayy !! U walk like a bossy bitch , u talk like one , u act like one , your face tells it all.


Fuck off ! Fuck off ! Fuck off ! -'-

Stop copying everything that i do. It irritates me alot. Can you just have a life? I had enough of you. Why do you have to tell everyone what i say as if it is yours. I was the one who said it. Not you. Don't ever take me for granted. I just feel distant away from you. I took you for granted. That's why. Forget it. I have told myself this so many times. I am so tired. My life sucks with your existence. Sorry for saying so negatively about you. It's the only way i can vent my anger. Do not get on my nerves. Thank you very much.

I don't know what my heart is saying now. I just noe that it doesn't wanna get hurt anymore. I shall do whatever it takes to stop thinking about you. Stop. I moved on with my life. I tell myself, stop bitching over there. Don't get so crazy over a guy. You are such a slut in people's eyes. Stop all these childish acts, u bitch ! That's wat i told myself. Liking someone, you don't have to express it out. Just know it deep down your heart, that would be enough. Ok, it's time to study lah! If not my mama gonna kill me ah !! Wish me good luck for MYE ba ! HEEH! ^^

Life has been boring for the past few weeks. There is nothing much to do. At least im glad there's no problems huh? Aiyo. I dun really care. Just stay happy always. Life sucks sometimes. Kk, i go watch my show le! bb!

I had things figured out. I shall put a stop to sliting. The one in the morning shall be the last time. I felt the pain finally. It's the deepest one. But, i am over you. My dear frens, thank you so much. Thank you for calling me a sadist. Thank you for being there for me. I found my reason for living on this earth. Thank you to those who knew that they cant stop me but joined me in the sliting as well. Thank you so much. You were foolish though. Me too. Wat a dumbass am I. Single.


no longer heartbroken-ted girl. Just an ordinary girl. Bb!

I may regret the way we ended, but I will never regret what we had. Maybe one day I'll be able to tear away a part of me and let you go. If I could control my heart, I would stop it from falling in love with you. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.  


Letting go of you shall be the best decision i will make. I always believed that relationships can never last long. If i have a wish, i would pray that i never met you. It shall be the end. 


I wish that...


- you will be happy from now. 


- last long with her ?


- hearing no news from you anymore


- you will smile everyday


- you love her truly, don't cheat her feelings please. 


- you will concentrate on your studies too. 


- Last of all, I wish that you can remember the moments we had. Cherish them for i will. 


Goodbyes to the guy i loved more than my life. 

sliting my wrist has no use. It don't help. Wat's the use? It reminds me of you. The pain so friggin pain. I HATE YOU WJL! u made me suffer so much, over and over again! Do you think im fun to play with? Ure wrong! U noe how long i took to almost forget bout you! And u are doing all these to me again! Why??? I am so frustrated over u and u can just be happy with that bitch! I dun feel good now. Neither am i gonna forgive u! U are such a bastard and she is such a bitch! Wad a perfect couple huh?! Fine! I shall stay far far away from you and i will definitely make u regret!

1 day </3, soon im gonna hate you for that.

This week, im restricting myself from thinking of you. I need a break from you. I don't care what you will be doing next, i just know that i am not going to care. I am gonna stay in my own world for this week I don't care what people say. I just want to enjoy my break. Shoo! I dun wan you in my life now. U are dispensed from my world now. It seems like my world is way way simpler without you. That's a good thing though. I love myself.

Why are you doing this to me? I guess you never knew that every word u say means to me so much. Sometimes, ure so cold and aloof towards me. Sometimes ure so happy and hyped up. I dun wanna give u any pressure. But i just want more of u. That's all. I don't care what people say about you. I just need you. Simple as it is, im just gonna wait and see. Wait till u come texting me again. 




Heartbroken girl : </3

I just wanna have one wish. Just one wish. Can u gimme a text? At least talk to me? I feel so horrible. Tears are just falling down. My feelings went down. Everything about me is down. Did i get too deep down? I dun wan anymore false hopes. No more.

--heart smashed and broken tons of times.
--pain erupting, uncontrollably
--no idea what to do next
--bleeding unconsciously.

heartbroken girl.

Liking someone is really like taking a rollar coaster ride. When he replies u, you get so happy. What if he doesn't reply you? U will be super down. I really dunno wat is on his mind. Does he really like tat girl? I dun wan know. Am i expecting too much? Texting him doesnt means that i like him? Should i believe anot? He makes me feel so happy. I really liked him? What if all these only last for one month only, just like the last time? Dear _____, can u please tell me what u are really thinking about? 

I am despo now, i admit tat. Haishh. I dun care le lah! I miss wenting so much sia! NO one talk to me sia. T.T I dunno how to tell her about this. What if she is gonna be angry? I only can accept it? I feel so vicious and bitchy of myself. 

OMG! Im 14 years old! muahahah! not ageing still. :p Super happy today. Sang birthday song so many times~! hahah! thanks to everyone who wished me! TY! Love ya! <3

 I feel so troubled. What can i do? I seriously wanna noe wat is going on and wat he is thinking. Is this just temporary? I dun wan... I rather not noe about it at all instead. haish. sth worse, she liked him. Wat am i suppose to do? i want to be with him, but i cant break her heart. Wat's more, i may not noe if he rly likes me. im afraid. Pain.

I told myself not to care anymore. I just can't do it. It feels so pain. I feel so horrible. PAIN. If i can cry everything out, and all this feelings will be gone, i am willing to cry as much. I do not want to get hurt anymore. My heart just couldn't do wat i wanted. HEARTBREAK. Im just gonna forget bout everything. 

明明答应自己不会为感情的事而掉眼泪，烦恼。结果，还是失败了。我没有办法不去在乎那些事，即使是小小的事我都会放在心上。心里本来就有你的背影，却逼自己把它忘掉。当我对你的影响开始在我脑海里消失，你却又不肯放手。这对我来说太残酷了，我不能接受。你真的令我太失望了。你做的每一件事我都记得，我不想再郁闷下去了。你有话对我说就告诉我，不要叫别人替你说。这一点诚意和意义都没有。随缘吧。我会把它当作我什么都不知道。这起码不会使我们之间产生疙瘩吧？

I feel so confused. Should i believe u? Or u just making fun of me? Desperate? I have no idea. ' I Love You' isn't a phrase tat u can say to anyone. U can be very sweet, but tat will hurt other people instead. I dunno what's on your mind. I can't read it. I had to lie. I can't let myself break down bcos of u ever again. It's already fading and i had no intentions of relieving back that kind of feeling. I guess all it's just a prank or whatsoever. U cant always get what u wanted. 

What an epic day. I just rejected you in the face! hahaha! LOL! ;P okok... left history ct tmr D: haishh... i hate it sia. HIstory so hard. >< ok luh, i go study alr! Bye! To tat 'heartbroken guy' : sorry ahah! ps ahh! U not up to my standard. And, i DONT like you. Too badd....

Bu Hui Ai by Fei Lun Hai

Trying to forget u, i tried falling for another guy. My motive was accomplished. But, i found out that i liked him much more than i like you. In the end, i get hurt still. He is a very great guy. He is so faithful to her. Im so jealous.     I wanted to be her, knowing that i can never be. I really want a guy like him. So faithful. Everytime i rmb him liking her so deeply, my heart breaks into 2. </3 PAIN. It killed me. I can never be happy ... im selfish. i know tat. But, forgive me. Let me selfish just for once. Wanting to go near you, but i have hesitations. Im afraid i will fall for u really deeply. Im so confused. Giving up is the only option? T.T

I know u still like her alot. It's just impossible to like me. T^T I nvr thought that much anymore. I just wanted u just look at me once. Just once. They asked me, i denied. I dun have the courage to say it loud. I m so disappointed in myself. Are we not meant to be together? Feeling so gloomy and sad. ;( I dunno wat to do the next. Everybody is suspecting alr. I cant glance at u anymore. how... i i dun wan this. My mind is in a whirl. Have i really fallen for you? I took u as a substitution of him. I tot liking u will make me forget him. Now wat? Oh gosh , tell me wad to do >,<




---helpless girl

Auburn - Perfect two (w/ lyrics)

新年快乐！恭喜发财！红包记得拿来哦！哈哈！


Its chinese new year. FINALLY(;


I spent most of my time watching brown sugar macchiato !!! Nice show! So jealous of guigui and wang zi! OMG! I ALSO WAN FIND MY WANG ZI ;O I crazzy le! hahas ^^ kk. tats it. bb! 

I guessed im really over  you. I survived the 2 days without u ;D Its a good thing yeah :) I just wanna say, im proud of myself for tat ^^ I have nothing to say about u lerrs. Wish u good luck (:

OH GAWD. I FEEL LIKE GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP NOW. >< I SERIOUSLY VERY DESPERATE. I HAVE NO IDEA IF I LIKE HIM ANOT. BUT, HE IS VERY LOYAL TO HER. I CANT DO ANYTHING. IT SUCKS. THIS FEELING SUX. LIKING TAT GUY BUT NOT ABLE TO GET HIM. IT FEELS SO HORRIBLE. OKAYY.. I MAKING MYSELF MORE DESPO FOR HIM...

我想很久了。我放弃你了。真的放了。依依不舍？应该没了。。

我迟早会忘了你。我再也没有这个勇气再喜欢下去了。虽然很心痛，但还是得放了你。让我避开你一下，当你再次看到我，我已把你放了。 你将会是我的过去。那段甜蜜又心疼的恋情。。。


@Tan xinyi : ur guess is correct. Its him. Tats a secret i hope u keep. Ty.

 Sooner or later u will know. Do not need me to tell you. Its obvious. I tried my best. Its just suffocating me. Trying may not be the best choice, but for now, tats the only one tat can satisfy me. Be it me or someone else, i dun care. Some things u may not know, im not gonna tell u. U will figure it out one day... I have no choice but to do this. 

wad am i suppose to do now? I still like you. But, i cant anymore. i need let u go. U are still u. But, im always that girl tt changes her mood according to you. Dun do this to me anymore can?Sometimes, i want to sms you, yet expecting no replies from you. I wan to talk to u badly. Its gonna b awkward, i noe tat. U wan me out of ur life so badly. U will not see this post, so i shall be rest assured. Well, im satisfied to have a peek at you at the corner of my eye. Im satisfied alr. (: U can ignore this little wish ; but, dun forbid me from fufilling it. I will forget u someday ~

I had enough of you. How long must you do this? I have no idea to face you anymore. What do you xpect from me? I feel more like a substitute. I wan break free from you. You noe why i didnt want to go nanjing? Its bcos ure gng! i wan to remain a distance from you, pls. SO stop! Stop being so ignorant. U have ur instincts. Ur life is so pathetic! change manz! OR JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Can? ITs not up to you!

我真不知道该开心或难过，一开始虽然对露营有些抗拒，但还是满期待的。 结果，却生病了。哎，我该开心还是难过呢？ 哎哟，用华语写真难哦！等我哦!

你到底明不明白？你需要我的时候，你粘得我紧紧的。你不需要我的时候，你狠狠把我抛在一旁。是！我就是再说你！是怎样？你不爽，难道我爽吗？我超讨厌你那自以为是的态度。就应为我和他们比较合得来，你就开始不爽。你不爽可以说阿！干嘛给我脸色看？干嘛在背后诅咒别人？窝囊！有胆就说出来啊！给我脸色看，我同样能给你！你不觉得我们是活在不同世界的人吗？你想跟那班朋友，我却想跟另一班。你追求的是名利，是人气。我追求的是幸福。名利有这么重要吗？你说你懒得去管他们，才不要经他们那一组，但行动上却这么做。别以为我是笨蛋，连傻子都知道好不好？真是口是心非。我不知再怎么信赖你，与你沟通了。再见！提起你的事就火大！

我答应我自己不会再为他哭了。结果，我还是落泪了。我再怎么努力我还是没办法忘了他。他一直出现在我眼前。我越是想避开他，他就狠狠地记在我脑海里。我该怎么办？他真的有这么吸引我吗？我知道他一点也不在乎，把我当成同学罢了。我假装不在乎，不理会他，但在我内心深处，我好在乎哦。。。 我之前的勇气去了哪里？不是说好要忘了他吗？为什么又反悔？难道我真的这么喜欢他吗？该放手了，一切都过去了，他已经在找寻他的幸福，而我知道我不是他的幸福。我该怎么办？我好想好想他哦。。。