U know tat im avoiding and ignoring u alr. Not because i hate u, but im just grossed out with myself. I didnt knew tat was me. I am not tat gentle, caring and full of patience girl. Its really isnt me. The more i talk to you, i feel more uncomfortable. Sometimes, i may wanna be a girl like tat. I tot i can. But, in actual fact, this seems like a impossible task. I feel so easy talking to him. He gives me a sense of security. We can just talk almost about anything. He is mature enough. Doesnt always use relationships to start the topic. U know tat i wan to be single and be out of this. But why did u keep talking about this to me? I cant help u at all! Relationships are just like tat. Some are successful while some will never be. I only can say urs isnt a fruitful one. Maybe because u didnt knew the reason behind it. Like i said, i could easily tell him about this. I told him. He is mature enough to understand my feelings. I have no idea why i just cant tell you about me. I guess its because i had never been myself in front of u. I am hurt. But u will never know. I have no trust in you. Im sorry. But, please. Just leave me alone. I need to think everything over again and im not texting unless necessary. 

 As for you, I dunno wat to say. I think i shall thank u for hurting me so much. So much tat i can live without love, relationships and you. Each time im out of relationships, im hurt each time. I wept so much. Im just tired. Im sick of this. Im already numb of this feeling. In my heart, i feel tat god is telling me, this pain tat u suffer is the price u pay for getting into a relationship. God doesnt want me to get into things like tat. I know. I know them all. Its just tat im trusting humans, yet they disappoint me so much. Im so not getting into one now. I have to say, I think my feelings are fading with time, fading with the holidays. 200710. I will always rmb this day...